Advances in Christian Broadcasting...

From "Rodney Trotter":

The following memo has turned up, leaked from a well-known coalition/alliance of gospel types:

Re: Christian Broadcasting

In light of the cultural mandate (Gen. 1:28), and in reaction to the harsh, unloving and world-denying fundamentalism of a previous generation, the following suggestions for producing a series of Christian Life and Worldview programs should be considered:

Dancing with the Evangelical Stars. Contestants compete for the right to become worship leaders at a big church. Problem: no reformed women
celebs and, as we don't want to encourage `that sort of thing' (Eph. 5:3) , dancers must go solo. Could unfairly favour the Sovereign Grace guys, but their worship experience will be counterbalanced by their lack of any sense of rhythm.

Evangelical Idol: young pastors compete to be signed to a label that will give them a ministry named after themselves. Re. judges, Derek Thomas obvious choice for Simon Cowell part; Justin Taylor for Paula Abdul. Program title may need some work.

Evangelical America's Got Talent: ugly pastors of small churches perform their chosen `talent' before a celebrity panel. Possibly favours the guys who aren't shaving yet, as the "granny vote" can be decisive when it comes to the final round. Big prize: get a contract with Christian publisher to have a study Bible named after you.

The Reformed Apprentice: ambitious young pastors work for the chance to ride the coattails of a megapastor by performing difficult feats for said pastor such as managing the church stock portfolio, offshore accounts, and overseas investments. Not sure would lead this. Tim Keller obvious choice but Donald-Trump-You're-Fired! catchphrase `Brother, I want to affirm you in your God-given talents and stress that we have an every member ministry in Christ's church and I am sure that the Lord is calling you to be of great use to him in some alternative, but equally valid and biblical capacity' lacks a certain punch. Maybe just go with John MacArthur?

Looks like Christian TV will never be the same.